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Word Swaps
(Replace "I Know" and "But")

"I know." "But." Two tiny phrases most of us say all day without thinking twice. You say "I know" to show you're paying attention. You say "but" to add another viewpoint or to soften bad news. The problem is, they can make the person hearing them feel dismissed or unheard, even when that's the last thing you meant. The words we default to matter more than we realize. This upSKILL covers a simple two-word swap that feels better to patients, coworkers, and people in your life.
   7:34 Watch Time [Week 42 from the Weekly upSKILL series]
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 Real Help 

Solve these 'people problems'

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For upSKILLers:

  • Patients or coworkers feeling dismissed after you say "I know," even when you meant it as reassurance
  • Conversations that start feeling defensive or tense the moment "but" shows up
  • Sounding like a know-it-all or talking down to a patient without meaning to
  • Remembering that a simple word swap can make patients feel truly heard instead of managed
  • Using a reflective listening response that feels good to the other person
  • Making hard conversations, like wait times or bad news, land with more empathy instead of excuses

For Leaders:

  • Team members unintentionally shutting down patients with habitual phrases like "I know" or "but"
  • Patients feeling unheard or brushed off, even when the care itself was solid
  • Conversations about delays, bills, or scheduling turning defensive instead of collaborative
  • Coaching team members to swap two small words for language that builds trust instead of distance
  • Patients feeling genuinely validated even when the answer is still "no" or "not yet"
  • A team that sounds collaborative and confident instead of defensive under pressure
 Data 

It's science

People who received reflective, paraphrased responses (think "I hear that..." or "so you're saying...") felt significantly more understood than people who received a simple acknowledgment like "okay" or "I know."(1)
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That tiny wording choice is the difference between a patient feeling brushed off and a patient feeling truly listened to.
Communication research on conflict identifies "yes, but" style responses as a marker of defensiveness, a pattern strongly linked to breakdowns in trust and connection between speakers.(2)
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Swapping "but" for "and" removes that defensive wall without changing what you're actually saying.
In a study of malpractice claims, providers who spent more time listening to and validating patients' concerns were significantly less likely to have been sued, even when the actual outcomes of care were the same.(3)
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How patients feel heard can matter as much as the care itself.
 Note 

From The Experts

"Like all soft skills, swapping out simple words makes difficult conversations easier and it can even surprisingly shorten long conversations because the other person doesn't feel like they need to keep talking to be really understood."
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- Christine & Lauren, The Patient Whisperers
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This is adapted from Weekly: Mastering Soft Skills

by The Patient Whisperers:
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The Patient Whisperers
Christine Scarlett
& Lauren Weaver
Former practice leaders leading change by bringing relational intelligence, soft skills + emotional connection into healthcare as authors, speakers, and upSKILL instructors. 
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Christine Scarlett
Former CMO
& Director of Patient Experience
From counseling patients, to Director of Patient Experience, to CMO, Christine's worn nearly every 'hat' in a healthcare practice. The driving force? Her love for people... creating exceptional patient experiences and empowering those who serve them.
Lauren Weaver
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Director of Brand Development
Bringing her PR, branding, social media influencer status, and love of storytelling with her, Lauren turned how we market and build a brand for ourselves in healthcare upside down by redefining how we connect with our patients, both in practice and online.
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(1) Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). "The Relative Effectiveness of Active Listening in Initial Interactions." International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13-31. (2) Gottman, J. M. (1999). The Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy. W.W. Norton & Company (research identifying defensiveness, including "yes, but" language, as one of the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown). (3) Levinson, W., Roter, D. L., Mullooly, J. P., Dull, V. T., & Frankel, R. M. (1997). "Physician-Patient Communication: The Relationship with Malpractice Claims Among Primary Care Physicians and Surgeons." JAMA, 277(7), 553-559.