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I'm Sorry vs. Thank You
(A Powerful Swap)

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." Some of us apologize on autopilot, even when nothing is our fault. Most of the time, swapping it out with "Thank you" feels better to the other person. "Sorry" points at what went wrong or puts the focus on you, vs "Thank you" points at appreciation for them instead. This week shares a simple test for knowing when each one is appropriate, and why the swap can feel much better for everyone.
   7:50 Watch Time [Week 41 from the Weekly upSKILL series]
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 Real Help 

Solve these 'people problems'

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For upSKILLers:

  • Overcoming the "sorry" habit
  • Feeling guilty, small, or responsible after saying sorry when nothing actually went wrong
  • Saying sorry so often it starts to feel hollow or automatic, with patients and people in your life
  • Remembering that thank you shifts a moment toward appreciation instead of blame
  • Wanting patients, teammates, and people in your personal life to feel valued, not like something went wrong
  • Sounding sincere and confident instead of guilty, even during wait times or hiccups

For Leaders:

  • Team members over-apologizing during routine moments like wait times or scheduling hiccups
  • Patients picking up on a sense of guilt or fault in the organization when nothing actually went wrong
  • Team members sounding less confident after a day of nonstop "sorry"
  • Coaching team members to swap "sorry" for "thank you" in the right moments
  • Building a culture where team members sound sincere and appreciative, not guilty or defeated
  • Creating patient interactions that feel valued and appreciated instead of apologetic
 Data 

It's science

Expressing genuine thanks makes the other person feel valued and prompts more positive, connected behavior in return.(1)
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That's part of why appreciation lands so differently than an apology for something that isn't anyone's fault.
Expressing gratitude builds warmth and connection between you and the other person, more than most people expect going in.(2)
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We consistently underestimate how much a "thank you" is worth.
Over-apologizing is tied to a hit in self-esteem, which explains why it can leave you feeling smaller or guilty for something that was never yours to own.(3)
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Apologizing for things you didn't actually do wrong can quietly cost you.
 Note 

From The Experts

"This one switch in your communication will make a huge impact on how you feel and how others perceive you. Appreciation vibrates at a very high frequency, close to the same level as love, making it one of the most magnetic energies there is."
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- Christine & Lauren, The Patient Whisperers
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This is adapted from Weekly: Mastering Soft Skills

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Soft skills that make work and life better.
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The Patient Whisperers
Christine Scarlett
& Lauren Weaver
Former practice leaders leading change by bringing relational intelligence, soft skills + emotional connection into healthcare as authors, speakers, and upSKILL instructors. 
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Christine Scarlett
Former CMO
& Director of Patient Experience
From counseling patients, to Director of Patient Experience, to CMO, Christine's worn nearly every 'hat' in a healthcare practice. The driving force? Her love for people... creating exceptional patient experiences and empowering those who serve them.
Lauren Weaver
Former
Director of Brand Development
Bringing her PR, branding, social media influencer status, and love of storytelling with her, Lauren turned how we market and build a brand for ourselves in healthcare upside down by redefining how we connect with our patients, both in practice and online.
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(1) Grant, A. M., & Gino, F. (2010). "A little thanks goes a long way: Explaining why gratitude expressions motivate prosocial behavior." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(6), 946–955.; (2) Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2018). "Undervaluing gratitude: Expressers misunderstand the consequences of showing appreciation." Psychological Science, 29(9), 1423–1435.; (3) Schumann, K. (2018). "The psychology of offering an apology: Understanding the barriers to apologizing and how to overcome them." Current Directions in Psychological Science, 27(2), 74–78.